The Holidays Are Not About Presents
I am regularly astounded by the things that I see when we get closer and closer to the Holidays. We enter a time when the earth goes dormant, but it would seem that the real crazies come out of hibernation. It's those Black Friday shoppers. And now, it would seem, that there is a "Black Thanksgiving."
Truly, it disgusts me. I see people being very hypocritical. We should be spending Thanksgiving weekend being thankful for what we have and the blessings in our lives, yet we see consumerism on a massive scale. Whatever happened to peace on earth and goodwill toward man? Oh, I think someone dropped it back on aisle 3 where they had to push an old lady out of the way to get the best deal for their already spoiled children.
We profess to be thankful for the things that we have, yet we don't appear to be that way when we bang our shopping carts into other people, stab someone over a parking spot and get into a fist fight because someone got the last fireplace mantle before we got there and they should have known that it was intended to be OURS!!!
It is the unrealistic sense of entitlement. I "deserve" that. Really? What do you deserve? The answer is truly simple: what you have worked for, earned and agreed upon. Do I want to make a 6 figure income? Absolutely! Do I deserve it? Not unless I have proven my worth, paid my dues and negotiated for that amount.
We like to think that we deserve that new car, big house, promotion or fancy gadget. Have we worked for it? Have we set the money aside? Have we truly earned it? Most cases, the answer is no. And that is why we constantly want more. We are never satisfied because we didn't have to earn what we have and we don't appreciate the things that we own.
About 3 years ago, my husband and I started taking stock of our lives. What did we need? What did we have? What did we want? What was truly important? What is unnecessary?
First question - needs: Housing? Check. Food? Check. Clothing? Check. Transportation? Check. Love? Check - in abundance!!
Second question: What did we have? Well. . .as it turns out, a LOT of junk. We had a home that we couldn't fit everything into or unpack because there was no room for all of the junk. What did we truly need all of this shit for? Unfinished projects. Interests that we lost interest in. Something that was pretty when it was purchased, but had no use and we ceased to enjoy.
Third question: want? Truth be told. . .MANY things. And all of them unnecessary.
Fourth question and fifth questions: important and necessary? This was the clincher. We had to figure that out for ourselves. And it's been a very long process. It will probably continue until we die.
We started to purge. As we sold and disposed of the items we deemed unnecessary, a strange thing started happening. We weren't so worried about all of the stuff. We started to relax and enjoy the moments. We started becoming less bothered by the things we didn't yet have and we started to appreciate the things we DID have.
Does that mean that we didn't spend money? No. It means that we thought long an hard about purchases and asked each of the questions, with one additional: "What purpose does it serve in our lives?"
And yes, we bought Harleys. Were they expensive? Relatively speaking, probably. Is it worth it? Absolutely! You get what you pay for. Just because you simplify and purge doesn't mean that you have to be a cheapskate. Do these items add to our quality of life? Definitely. We have spent a lot of time together on the open road and enjoyed moments that we otherwise may not have had. And we will continue to enjoy those moments for many years to come.
We still have more than we need, but we keep things in perspective. We are more than comfortable. In some books, we might be considered rich. Although, you wouldn't guess it to look at our bank accounts. In my book, I am wealthy beyond measure because I have many blessings in my life. And since I am not focused on acquiring so much more stuff as a symbol of my success, I have much more leisure time to enjoy the things that I DO have.
Last year, for Christmas, we handmade almost everything that we gifted. We suggested to people that if they wanted to buy us a gift, that they should keep it small and inexpensive - something that truly meant something. One of the most wonderful gifts that I received, one year, was a photograph from a trip that I took with some friends in a very simple frame. It meant they were thinking about me. Every time I look at that picture, I get enjoyment and pleasure, remembering a very happy weekend in my life.
This year, we will do the same, but we have told people not to buy us anything for Christmas. If someone feels the need to spend money on us, then I would prefer that it be a nice, leisurely dinner that we can spend time with them. Perhaps a donation made in our names to the charity of our choice. (If you would like to know what those are, I would be more than happy to list them.) What we are really asking for, this year, is time. Just simply time with the people that we care about and love.
Perhaps it's because of what we've been through in our lives and we've been forced to distill what is truly important. I know that the greatest gifts I have ever received happened within the last couple of years: the love of my husband and the return of my health. Because of those things, alone, I imagine myself to be the richest man in the world.
These things are simply food for thought. Do with them what you will, but please remember, the Holidays are not about "Presents," but rather, "Presence."
Truly, it disgusts me. I see people being very hypocritical. We should be spending Thanksgiving weekend being thankful for what we have and the blessings in our lives, yet we see consumerism on a massive scale. Whatever happened to peace on earth and goodwill toward man? Oh, I think someone dropped it back on aisle 3 where they had to push an old lady out of the way to get the best deal for their already spoiled children.
We profess to be thankful for the things that we have, yet we don't appear to be that way when we bang our shopping carts into other people, stab someone over a parking spot and get into a fist fight because someone got the last fireplace mantle before we got there and they should have known that it was intended to be OURS!!!
It is the unrealistic sense of entitlement. I "deserve" that. Really? What do you deserve? The answer is truly simple: what you have worked for, earned and agreed upon. Do I want to make a 6 figure income? Absolutely! Do I deserve it? Not unless I have proven my worth, paid my dues and negotiated for that amount.
We like to think that we deserve that new car, big house, promotion or fancy gadget. Have we worked for it? Have we set the money aside? Have we truly earned it? Most cases, the answer is no. And that is why we constantly want more. We are never satisfied because we didn't have to earn what we have and we don't appreciate the things that we own.
About 3 years ago, my husband and I started taking stock of our lives. What did we need? What did we have? What did we want? What was truly important? What is unnecessary?
First question - needs: Housing? Check. Food? Check. Clothing? Check. Transportation? Check. Love? Check - in abundance!!
Second question: What did we have? Well. . .as it turns out, a LOT of junk. We had a home that we couldn't fit everything into or unpack because there was no room for all of the junk. What did we truly need all of this shit for? Unfinished projects. Interests that we lost interest in. Something that was pretty when it was purchased, but had no use and we ceased to enjoy.
Third question: want? Truth be told. . .MANY things. And all of them unnecessary.
Fourth question and fifth questions: important and necessary? This was the clincher. We had to figure that out for ourselves. And it's been a very long process. It will probably continue until we die.
We started to purge. As we sold and disposed of the items we deemed unnecessary, a strange thing started happening. We weren't so worried about all of the stuff. We started to relax and enjoy the moments. We started becoming less bothered by the things we didn't yet have and we started to appreciate the things we DID have.
Does that mean that we didn't spend money? No. It means that we thought long an hard about purchases and asked each of the questions, with one additional: "What purpose does it serve in our lives?"
And yes, we bought Harleys. Were they expensive? Relatively speaking, probably. Is it worth it? Absolutely! You get what you pay for. Just because you simplify and purge doesn't mean that you have to be a cheapskate. Do these items add to our quality of life? Definitely. We have spent a lot of time together on the open road and enjoyed moments that we otherwise may not have had. And we will continue to enjoy those moments for many years to come.
We still have more than we need, but we keep things in perspective. We are more than comfortable. In some books, we might be considered rich. Although, you wouldn't guess it to look at our bank accounts. In my book, I am wealthy beyond measure because I have many blessings in my life. And since I am not focused on acquiring so much more stuff as a symbol of my success, I have much more leisure time to enjoy the things that I DO have.
Last year, for Christmas, we handmade almost everything that we gifted. We suggested to people that if they wanted to buy us a gift, that they should keep it small and inexpensive - something that truly meant something. One of the most wonderful gifts that I received, one year, was a photograph from a trip that I took with some friends in a very simple frame. It meant they were thinking about me. Every time I look at that picture, I get enjoyment and pleasure, remembering a very happy weekend in my life.
This year, we will do the same, but we have told people not to buy us anything for Christmas. If someone feels the need to spend money on us, then I would prefer that it be a nice, leisurely dinner that we can spend time with them. Perhaps a donation made in our names to the charity of our choice. (If you would like to know what those are, I would be more than happy to list them.) What we are really asking for, this year, is time. Just simply time with the people that we care about and love.
Perhaps it's because of what we've been through in our lives and we've been forced to distill what is truly important. I know that the greatest gifts I have ever received happened within the last couple of years: the love of my husband and the return of my health. Because of those things, alone, I imagine myself to be the richest man in the world.
These things are simply food for thought. Do with them what you will, but please remember, the Holidays are not about "Presents," but rather, "Presence."
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