Why HIV Has Been a Blessing
What?!?!?! That might be the first question out of your mouth. HIV? A blessing? Really? Well. . .Yes.
I know that there has been a ton of stigma associated with this diagnosis. You might be wondering why I would think that a disease that has the potential to kill me might be a gift. Well, for me, it has been and now I will explain why.
HIV has forced me to re-evaluate everything in my life, from my relationships to my health to my personal possessions. Perhaps, earlier you might have read my post, "The Holidays are Not About Presents" Contained in that particular blog are some of my truths about the things that are important to me and the things that truly matter.
For me, HIV has forced me to look at my health and really be mindful of what my body is telling me. I have to pay attention to the things that I eat, what I drink and what I allow to be in my body. It's super important for me to stay healthy. Before, I had the idea that most of us have: "It's not going to affect me. I'm not going to get it. I'm healthy right now, so why should I change anything?" This is a dangerous trap for anyone to fall into.
You see, it's not just HIV. It's diabetes. It's heart disease. It's cancer. It's any number of minor to major diagnoses that can end your life in a year, a month, a week, a day or even a second. And we like to think that they sneak up on us unaware. Truthfully, there are signs. We just choose to ignore them.
HIV does many things. It depresses the immune system. It can open you up to opportunistic infections. HIV does not kill you, but what it allows to enter your system, if not properly treated, does.
What HIV has done to me is started to burn away the non-essential parts of my life. This, I consider a blessing. As I have started to purge my home of non-essential belongings and chaff, I find that I truly appreciate things more. The very simple things.
Food tastes better now that I have gotten myself healthy. Time with my husband is more precious (and hopefully, I will have at least 50 more years with this man). My family is more lovely. The flowers are prettier. The winter and spring air smells so much more complex and satisfying. The view in the mountains is breathtaking!
I like to spend moments just savoring what I have and the things around me. HIV has caused me to truly appreciate everything. And, honestly, the best things in life ARE free!! That doesn't mean I won't continue to enjoy my Harley - on the contrary! I will spend as much time riding it as I can. The simple joy of a powerful engine and the wind blowing in my face. . .indescribable.
I remember a moment from a bike trip that Shane and I took last fall. There was a moment when we came around a corner in Grand Teton National park, and this is what I saw for the first time:
I know that there has been a ton of stigma associated with this diagnosis. You might be wondering why I would think that a disease that has the potential to kill me might be a gift. Well, for me, it has been and now I will explain why.
HIV has forced me to re-evaluate everything in my life, from my relationships to my health to my personal possessions. Perhaps, earlier you might have read my post, "The Holidays are Not About Presents" Contained in that particular blog are some of my truths about the things that are important to me and the things that truly matter.
For me, HIV has forced me to look at my health and really be mindful of what my body is telling me. I have to pay attention to the things that I eat, what I drink and what I allow to be in my body. It's super important for me to stay healthy. Before, I had the idea that most of us have: "It's not going to affect me. I'm not going to get it. I'm healthy right now, so why should I change anything?" This is a dangerous trap for anyone to fall into.
You see, it's not just HIV. It's diabetes. It's heart disease. It's cancer. It's any number of minor to major diagnoses that can end your life in a year, a month, a week, a day or even a second. And we like to think that they sneak up on us unaware. Truthfully, there are signs. We just choose to ignore them.
HIV does many things. It depresses the immune system. It can open you up to opportunistic infections. HIV does not kill you, but what it allows to enter your system, if not properly treated, does.
What HIV has done to me is started to burn away the non-essential parts of my life. This, I consider a blessing. As I have started to purge my home of non-essential belongings and chaff, I find that I truly appreciate things more. The very simple things.
Food tastes better now that I have gotten myself healthy. Time with my husband is more precious (and hopefully, I will have at least 50 more years with this man). My family is more lovely. The flowers are prettier. The winter and spring air smells so much more complex and satisfying. The view in the mountains is breathtaking!
I like to spend moments just savoring what I have and the things around me. HIV has caused me to truly appreciate everything. And, honestly, the best things in life ARE free!! That doesn't mean I won't continue to enjoy my Harley - on the contrary! I will spend as much time riding it as I can. The simple joy of a powerful engine and the wind blowing in my face. . .indescribable.
I remember a moment from a bike trip that Shane and I took last fall. There was a moment when we came around a corner in Grand Teton National park, and this is what I saw for the first time:
Breathtaking, right?
I was amazed at the wonder and awe that just a simple mountain could inspire in me.
So, you see, what HIV has done is heighten my senses and teach me what is important and beautiful. It has reminded me that life is fragile and precious. It has reminded me that everyone dies, but does anyone truly live?
But a note of caution: HIV is my path. It is what the Universe has chosen to challenge me with. If you can help it, please do not choose this path. Keep yourself safe and healthy.
But take the lesson: cherish each moment that you have to live. There is a cliche little phrase, "Today is a gift. That's why it's called the Present." The reason cliches become so is because there is always a truth in them.
Live in the moment. Live now. Don't wait until you know that you are "dying" to start marking items off your "Bucket List." We are all dying just a little bit every day. Don't wait until you are "limited" to start enjoying the precious gift that you have been given.
Shut off the television - and not just for a little while. Shut it off for two months, or a year, or even forever. Read a book. Smile often. Take care of each other. Take an extra 5 seconds to take in the beauty all around you every moment. Want a tattoo? Get one. Take a trip around the world. Don't wait for life to "slow down," so you can enjoy it.
Remember this quote by Hunter S. Thompson:
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