Ego Trip (and Fall)
For me, life has been a whirlwind of changes lately. As you know from my previous couple of posts, I've started a yoga practice. And, surprisingly, I've kept it. Unlike the other forms of physical exercise, this one has been integrated into my life and it's now become a part of my daily routine.
The reasons for this are probably less complex than you might think. You see, yoga isn't just about the physical. The asana (postures) are just one part of the whole path. I'm not going to go into a diatribe about the Eight Limbs, or give a dissertation on the Yamas and the Niyamas. If you want that kind of information, you can find it from other sources. However, where I've found my groove is in the asana practice, meditation, and self-inquiry/journaling.
After a few months of practicing on my own, I decided that I would take my first actual class... in a studio... with (gulp) people. I was terrified. I wasn't sure what to expect. Since it was also Hot Yoga (26 + 2), I was sure I would die. And while I certainly lost half my body weight in sweat, I came out the end of class feeling more alive than I had in decades. Interesting.
This started a trend for me. I was attending 2 or 3 times per week. I started digging deeper and doing research into the path. I was learning what it was all about. My close friend, Leslie, who also happened to be the teacher of the classes I was attending, as well as the wife of my husband's boss, casually suggested that I consider attending yoga teacher training. She also thought I should learn the script for the 26+2 classes, so I could teach at the studio where she worked.
I tossed the idea around for a long time. I started looking at different teacher trainings. I investigated different styles. I hemmed and hawed. I found one taught by *moon-calf sigh* Benjamin Sears. I vacillated back and forth on whether or not I wanted to attend, or if this style was better than that style. And then I found a 200 hour training in my own back yard. It fit the bill. It was over the course of 3 months, and I only had to miss four Fridays at work, rather than a full 10 days, or two weeks at once.
I still hemmed and hawed. And then my husband stepped in. He reminded me of what the practice was doing for me. He then got firm and told me the if I didn't sign up, that he would sign me up and drive me himself. So, since, "I can do it myself (spoken in a defiant three-year-old's voice)," I signed up. And now it was real... I would be attending "Be Bold Teacher Training." How fitting.
Fast forward to the first day. I spent the entire half hour drive mentally double-checking everything in my bag to make sure I had what I needed. I also ran through multiple conversations in my head, so I was prepared to have an answer for everything. I swore that if I were surrounded by vapid, blonde "Yoga Beckys (TM)" with their Lululemon tights and Uggs, I would walk out the door and never look back.
I arrived 15 minutes early for the first class. It took 14 1/2 of those minutes to screw up enough courage to get out of my car and walk in the front door. The whole time, I was hoping that I wasn't going to be the only guy. I met the instructor, put my stuff into a cubicle and grabbed my mat and notebook. I turned around and...
I. Was. The. Only. Dude.
So, that happened. Okay, okay. I'm fine. I got this. I can do this. It's all good. Yes, there are all these lithe, athletic, young women here. Oh wait! There's a woman about my age! OH! There's two women older than me!! Woo!! Alright. I'm good. Let's put our mat over here, a little by myself.
We spent the first couple of hours introducing ourselves, learning about the history of Yoga, and then we came to an exercise. We had to write in our journals why we were there, taking teacher training, and we couldn't just say, "To deepen my practice." Then, we had to pair up. Great. First person I shared with... blonde. Well, that was okay. And she had an amazing reason for being there. Alright, I got this.
We took a break. But, during the break, we had our first "homework" assignment. We had to find two people that we hadn't yet shared with and tell them why we were here. The first was a tall, thin brunette who wore glasses!! Yay!! Something in common. She was smart, too, and had an emotional depth that didn't seem to have a bottom. Then, when I had gotten my sweats on and was getting ready to walk out the door, I felt a hand grab my arm and then an arm linked with mine. I looked over and it was a young, blonde... with Lululemon tights and Uggs...
I think I (internally) rolled my eyes so hard that I sprained them. I was prepared for a superficial, cheerleader type conversation. And when she opened her mouth, she blew my mind. She had been studying pre-Med, but then had focused toward Epigenetics. I think my jaw literally hit the ground, followed hard on the heels by my pride and ego.
Needless to say, teacher training flew by. A couple of months later, we all graduated class, competent and confident (dare I say, "Bold?") 200 hour teachers. And those two women from the homework break, Adreanna and Rose, have become two very important people in my life. My sisters, if you will. Once I pushed my ego out of the way, a whole new world opened up for me.
Now, it is a daily part of my life. I research. I practice. I meditate. I journal. I do the self-inquiry. And I continue the journey. I have taken Unbreakable Training, which gave me the tools to teach yoga to veterans and first-responders, as well as people with trauma (PTSD, C-PTSD). I will also be starting my 300 hour training in January. At the end, I will be a 500 hour teacher.
I've started gearing myself toward reaching out to the LGBTQ community and creating Queer and Trans inclusive yoga classes. I've learned that I'm not out to "help" anyone, but rather I am here to serve them. Teaching a yoga class was never about me. It's always been about the students that attend. It's about giving them the tools to reconnect with their bodies, minds, spirits, and each other. It's about holding the space for people to make discoveries about themselves. It's not about judging where anyone is on their path, but rather opening the door so they can begin to see and define their own path.
The other day, my husband said to me, "You know, yoga doesn't cure everything." Know what? He's right. Yoga doesn't cure everything. But, the things it can't cure are much easier to bear.
The reasons for this are probably less complex than you might think. You see, yoga isn't just about the physical. The asana (postures) are just one part of the whole path. I'm not going to go into a diatribe about the Eight Limbs, or give a dissertation on the Yamas and the Niyamas. If you want that kind of information, you can find it from other sources. However, where I've found my groove is in the asana practice, meditation, and self-inquiry/journaling.
After a few months of practicing on my own, I decided that I would take my first actual class... in a studio... with (gulp) people. I was terrified. I wasn't sure what to expect. Since it was also Hot Yoga (26 + 2), I was sure I would die. And while I certainly lost half my body weight in sweat, I came out the end of class feeling more alive than I had in decades. Interesting.
This started a trend for me. I was attending 2 or 3 times per week. I started digging deeper and doing research into the path. I was learning what it was all about. My close friend, Leslie, who also happened to be the teacher of the classes I was attending, as well as the wife of my husband's boss, casually suggested that I consider attending yoga teacher training. She also thought I should learn the script for the 26+2 classes, so I could teach at the studio where she worked.
I tossed the idea around for a long time. I started looking at different teacher trainings. I investigated different styles. I hemmed and hawed. I found one taught by *moon-calf sigh* Benjamin Sears. I vacillated back and forth on whether or not I wanted to attend, or if this style was better than that style. And then I found a 200 hour training in my own back yard. It fit the bill. It was over the course of 3 months, and I only had to miss four Fridays at work, rather than a full 10 days, or two weeks at once.
I still hemmed and hawed. And then my husband stepped in. He reminded me of what the practice was doing for me. He then got firm and told me the if I didn't sign up, that he would sign me up and drive me himself. So, since, "I can do it myself (spoken in a defiant three-year-old's voice)," I signed up. And now it was real... I would be attending "Be Bold Teacher Training." How fitting.
Fast forward to the first day. I spent the entire half hour drive mentally double-checking everything in my bag to make sure I had what I needed. I also ran through multiple conversations in my head, so I was prepared to have an answer for everything. I swore that if I were surrounded by vapid, blonde "Yoga Beckys (TM)" with their Lululemon tights and Uggs, I would walk out the door and never look back.
I arrived 15 minutes early for the first class. It took 14 1/2 of those minutes to screw up enough courage to get out of my car and walk in the front door. The whole time, I was hoping that I wasn't going to be the only guy. I met the instructor, put my stuff into a cubicle and grabbed my mat and notebook. I turned around and...
I. Was. The. Only. Dude.
So, that happened. Okay, okay. I'm fine. I got this. I can do this. It's all good. Yes, there are all these lithe, athletic, young women here. Oh wait! There's a woman about my age! OH! There's two women older than me!! Woo!! Alright. I'm good. Let's put our mat over here, a little by myself.
We spent the first couple of hours introducing ourselves, learning about the history of Yoga, and then we came to an exercise. We had to write in our journals why we were there, taking teacher training, and we couldn't just say, "To deepen my practice." Then, we had to pair up. Great. First person I shared with... blonde. Well, that was okay. And she had an amazing reason for being there. Alright, I got this.
We took a break. But, during the break, we had our first "homework" assignment. We had to find two people that we hadn't yet shared with and tell them why we were here. The first was a tall, thin brunette who wore glasses!! Yay!! Something in common. She was smart, too, and had an emotional depth that didn't seem to have a bottom. Then, when I had gotten my sweats on and was getting ready to walk out the door, I felt a hand grab my arm and then an arm linked with mine. I looked over and it was a young, blonde... with Lululemon tights and Uggs...
I think I (internally) rolled my eyes so hard that I sprained them. I was prepared for a superficial, cheerleader type conversation. And when she opened her mouth, she blew my mind. She had been studying pre-Med, but then had focused toward Epigenetics. I think my jaw literally hit the ground, followed hard on the heels by my pride and ego.
Needless to say, teacher training flew by. A couple of months later, we all graduated class, competent and confident (dare I say, "Bold?") 200 hour teachers. And those two women from the homework break, Adreanna and Rose, have become two very important people in my life. My sisters, if you will. Once I pushed my ego out of the way, a whole new world opened up for me.
Now, it is a daily part of my life. I research. I practice. I meditate. I journal. I do the self-inquiry. And I continue the journey. I have taken Unbreakable Training, which gave me the tools to teach yoga to veterans and first-responders, as well as people with trauma (PTSD, C-PTSD). I will also be starting my 300 hour training in January. At the end, I will be a 500 hour teacher.
I've started gearing myself toward reaching out to the LGBTQ community and creating Queer and Trans inclusive yoga classes. I've learned that I'm not out to "help" anyone, but rather I am here to serve them. Teaching a yoga class was never about me. It's always been about the students that attend. It's about giving them the tools to reconnect with their bodies, minds, spirits, and each other. It's about holding the space for people to make discoveries about themselves. It's not about judging where anyone is on their path, but rather opening the door so they can begin to see and define their own path.
The other day, my husband said to me, "You know, yoga doesn't cure everything." Know what? He's right. Yoga doesn't cure everything. But, the things it can't cure are much easier to bear.
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